Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
