I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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