make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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