i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
