i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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