He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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