I just made out with a guy for $7.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
