I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
