This is not my ceiling
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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