how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
