Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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