I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize