hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
