Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
