Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
