Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
