I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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