got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
