I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
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the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
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It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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