shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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