If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
