its not stalking. its research.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
