sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize