the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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