Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
