I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
