How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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