??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
