whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he thought i was a dude.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
