I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Randomize
