I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
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she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
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You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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