Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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