They should really pass out barf bags in church
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
