The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
