I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
