apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Randomize
