nut hugger
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
