Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
