i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
