Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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