Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
