TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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