i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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