Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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