Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
