So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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