New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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