Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
