NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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