we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
