my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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