bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
