3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
