so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
