so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Randomize
