I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
