god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
