Tell her she can't have a vagina
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
