he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
